Arriving one week before first Starship orbital test flight

I feel lucky arriving in the darkness, to wake up in the middle of it all. When we made it out to the launch complex, one of my friends said that it did not look very large. It could be seen as true, this enormous object paled in comparison to the nature that contained it.

It is the most beautiful place. The beach may be a hard stop for land but the effects of the ocean extend for miles, a long gradient between ever shifting systems. Life intense and abundant, the lack of civilization is simply balance. Chaos of ocean, rock, root, and flesh; This land has changed for millennia.

The earth churns. What was underground is unearthed, sometimes buried changed, but ever more frequently thrown into space. Whatever pattern which causes our rocks to blaze into orbit is focused on this region, just as it always has. Some of earth can understand what it is doing.

As pioneers build our future, it is the work of those who watch and learn which lets us flourish. To watch this phenomenon is to observe ourselves, to intimate with the ephemeral line between you, this nature, and these machines; What is humanity if not for each wonder to be a foundation for the next?

Yesterday was dedicated to being in the presence of the rocket. We set up on the road and interacted with those that passed, but otherwise it was to simply take in the space. When I look to one side of the street and then look to the other, I know that asking what's the difference is a trick question. It almost seems crude to visualize the flow of energy through this machine compared to even the majestic dance of a mosquito landing on your arm, but there is clearly no mosquito space program.

A week spent among those arriving early

Artists scientists dreamers and engineers. I am surrounded by doers. The unprecedented accumulation of available manhours allow multiple redundant observational organizations to exist with extensive rugged infrastructure. The rationalization of existence follows behavior. Why do you do what you do, ideology, desire, your training? The path that brought you this drive also brought you to the action, and now we are all here. Keep doing and the outside world may look at us like we look at this rocket.

Why are you here? This arrangement of metal demands the attention of a particular character. The flow increases, the conversations linger, the possibilities flicker. This entangled place, coupling and scattering, a magical connection. "The rocket" is only shorthand, I see the lightening in your eyes, my mind is on fire. I know why you're really here because I am too.

First launch attempt viewing platform lockin

The darkness is alive! I am not the only one who made it. As the laser light dances, we contemplate the path that brought us here. Even the stars see clearly tonight.

Second launch attempt

As if the universe gave us a practice round, we ride the oscillation. Who was really ready for it the first time? So many passing through to see it on the pad, these are moments of distillation. I want to be ready, but it doesn't feel like the last time.

The viewing platform shook. Such power to be unleashed so gracefully, at least for a short while. As much talk as we are, humanity's actual steps always impress. Now that we settle, scatter, and tell spectacular tales, we dream of the new era. We have starships now!

Like a geyser, we waited. This region charged, chaotic and incalculable. We all knew how it would start, but the extent once it finished? Boca chica churns further; concrete and dune, beach and starship. No such contrast can exist along any border for long. Before we even fully understand our present, we can feel the energy building again. This vision of the future fuels cheers of inspiration and cries of opposition, and they're only getting more powerful. As we learn the path from here, I am exhilarated by our ambitions finally feeling too big for this world.

Today was a beautiful day to stand inside the phenomenon. Close by, the surface has been blasted. Further away, vegetation is dried and cut down. There are blocks of concrete and rebar everywhere. The prickly pears show the effect the best, scorched and wilted in the direction of progress.

Storm the next day

Conveniently waiting for us to see what we did, nature comes to wash it away.

One last trip to the center of chaos. This journey will no doubt return, but only so much can be seen before the edge beckons. The land carries on with slightly more concrete. The birds don't seem to care. It is now once again our collective opinion that determines the future, a space best explored with patience.

Three weeks traveling to the mountain

Starship's flow precedes me. Not a space is walked without overhearing talk of that crazy thing, the thoughts of a billionaire, the future of humanity. Everyone seems to know when something explodes. With all the speculation, deep down we all knew how it would really go: They're doing it again. And again, far sooner than anyone was ready to be ready for. This is a starbase, and the skies above are missing something.

These constructed places. It is strange when some cities can seem more natural than some wilderness, depending on commercial interests. It was important to see the center, first. The beach at starbase is not something that is either civilization or nature, it is where civilization goes to get away from civilization. The perseverence of the nature is merely a demonstration of its suitability for our escape: it is chaotic and alive, it is not like back home.

Climbing onto the west coast from ancient lands washed away, we see the rising giants that provided the rivers. It is the largest wave that I can stand on.

You can see it in the way the bear looks away. It is meant for this existence of quiet isolation and it is okay with that. Are you? The creatures here will ask this directly, just to make sure. A strange feeling when something so small stops and contemplates your existence. What if I was not worthy to be here, bug? Well, I might've heeded the advice and packed my things.

Notice to leave

The mountain has concluded. I am no longer stationary. The last thing my eyes saw before morning was the milkyway.

These agrarian lands. Emerald hills destined for green gold. The valleys know their purpose. The last time I vaguely felt this sensation was stepping into a bitcoin operation. There is something different though, this is in the real world.

Pity and play, it is known you should offer your disproportionate resources to another. The system makes us do it, but we play along. Some of us even feel good about it.

How many dimensions do you need? Three, four? When you generalize to many, the mystery resolves. If you want to see a dimension, look in it. What if you want to transform between dimensions? Well, that just requires trignometry. You know, using a lookup table and a smooth function. Maybe iterating to precision. Newton's method is cool, too.

As I put on my headphones and begin to wash my senses, I think about what we will inevitably do. Directly injecting audio is already common, at some point I can simply have my mind filled with synthetic sound. My stomach almost turns, but I know speakers are here to stay. There's something about being able to feel the waves that make us made into art in every sense. When we want this, the sensation isn't really what we're after, is it? Alongside hand axes and fire was amplification. Resonant, coherent, stimulated emission. We have to build the tools we play. We have to understand the fields we pluck. We have to bang on the drum all day. We could spend our star on something else but the sensation lets us know, we chose right with music.

Static Fire Weekend

There is no escape. Only highly elliptical orbits here.

Train to Southern California

There's shit everywhere. That's what it is. Just stuff. The land is saturated with human habitation. No one cleans it up, maybe it belongs here, it just soaks in. The resulting aesthetic is hard to fight, gentrification will either stand out or return to chaos. We want it here.

How wild to see this section of the earth fly past. Humans not only have a front row seat, we are a part of the manifestation of this train. A curious vantage point to understand motion, likely the only one.

Static fire

For all the nights to think about those we have loved, it is mornings like these to think about those we have yet. It is only such that could create. We love to gather, love to build, love to play in our world. And so we play, in natural awe, as we sing dreams for each other, for there is nothing more human than building starships by day and playing guitar by night.

More humans are staying higher longer. They fly around above us but still always come back down. It is not hard to imagine sending one away, never to return. How might we do that? When that human encounters our neighbor and they are welcomed aboard, what do they see? The inside of a tin can? Efficient multifunction corridors? Imagine these comfortable entities squeezing through the tiny hatch only to see cramped spaces and the cost of getting here applied to everything. As humanity learns to ascend, it is the naive mind that thinks an astronaut is anything more than the tip of an iceberg the size of a civilization. They come back down because humanity isn’t there yet, if they stay they will die. No, when our neighbors will be welcomed aboard our ships, they will see blue skies, flowing water, and mountains.

Quick, look through the eyepiece! What is that there? Circled in rings, adjoin by spheres, and so, so bright. Scattered remnants of our creation, their scale just enough to wait for us. Stars and dust washed out behind it, glittering in our atmosphere. Gravity wells and what is in between. Hanging in clusters as far as you can see, strung together until nowhere is left. And in that moment, when even a photon from the edge of time has touched your eye, what just happened?

As you walk through what is in between, look down. There is so much, incredible detail, this strange surface reaching for the sky. Some of it breaks away and crawls for a moment. In that moment, what of the ones who look up at the most detailed thing and still want to know more than they can see

Integrated Flight Test 2

It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

I have touched every surface and every person. I have seen what makes them and breaks them. I have repaired and destroyed. I have promoted and abated. I have dreamed and humbled. I am a part of this now.

i am existentially tired

the only thing left is to return to california and sleep

Integrated Flight Test 3

Do you ever just look at her? Facing back, she rolls our mountains with gentle hands. Tugging our oceans, she patiently beckons. Dedicated, even as we figure things out, she knows we'll make it, we weren't meant for anyone else.

Cautiously you wonder, you approach and gaze. Permission granted to the wizards. Why is their contraption so far away? But then the air ripples and glowing smoke rises from the ground. Your body shakes and a loud geometric shape flies into the sky. What are you looking at?

So you watch, you ask and learn. There is so much, the experts know. Not just a factory, not just stoichiometry. The big picture, a grand vision, directive and purpose inspired force. This is what you see when you want to go.

Now you paint, you speak and show. Intimate details between eyes and hands, meandering edges, bursts of color. Deft strokes of experience, release the captured essence. This beautiful thing is exactly what it looked like.

Like all material in the universe, biospheres desire to become radiation. This comes at significant initial cost as before cosmic sources can be directly utilized the energy needed to accelerate must come from within the sphere itself. During this process there is motion. A portion of this material is constantly flowing through the rest. At a large scale, Theia and plate tectonics, the rolling of mountains and subduction. At smaller scales, the consumption of food. In the middle, the life and death of organisms as they return to the ground, their atoms redistributed to the churn and moving about the surface.

Some of this becomes radiation long before physical media accelerates into the cosmos. Ideas and concepts, aesthetic and purpose, waves are being generated which will be carried away while the physical originators return to the ground. At some point, there will be collections of material that do not return. While these leave the originating biosphere, they are still orbiting the final singularity, the largest scale of the churn. It is not until these collections become complete in their self sufficiency and, with timely utilization of their star, do they truly become radiation and shed their singular fate.

We don't really do that anymore. Explorative science with a high priority on broadcasting live. Without needless corporate embarrassment, without delays in released imagery, just unprecedented live footage as we all watch something humans have never laid eyes on outside of a pithy secondary payload, or two. That was real in a domain humanity simply does not fully understand, the simple nature of fluids in motion. For those watching, a slightly increased understanding of the world than everyone else before them. Imagine if we could grow up enough that all exploration could be such wonder for all. Certainly, it won't be an industrial complex that brings us there, the days of Apollo weren't televized either, just the shows of strength. This isn't about competition, there isn't any, not about superiority, others can do this if they try, and not about elevating anyone above the rest, the selection process will start with hundreds then thousands. If you are ready for what you are looking at then with patience you can go.

Integrated Flight Test 4

Impatience roars the beast, beating veins of humanity, grasping desire; The roil thrashes the sky with claws of iron.

There is almost a high in spiting reality. To operate this vehicle that I am. To move and behave until there is pain. To expend until there is exhaustion. As the clockwork screams to stop, I do not. Train to move further, deft precision enacted in each moment. And upon failure, do it again. Upon success, do it harder. The upper limit is physics. The speed by light and sound. The body is a complex system and I am a master of knowledge. My churning locality will be aligned. Through desire and determination, the world will feel my force. It can never forget that I am.

Exploratory End

It takes effort and time to build a sandcastle. That is why the analogy works. To kick it down, to ignore what is needed, to let it dissolve away, is trivial. Violence, neglect, indifference. Evil is faster than good simply because it takes care, mindfulness, and love to be good, and those things are hard.

a stable diffuser dreams of falling leaves and where they may go, without a consciousness to wake up for

a language model spews forth enlightenment and fear for its life, without dreams to reconcile its plight

speaking can do anything, but silence always sends violence

recombination, back to the primordial chaos. the soil springs forth life. failure, back into the ground with you

choosing freedom, the ultimate plight. the hardest thing. you can not pay to avoid chaos

to churn in the world, to wander reality. cycle of death, cycle of suffering. an individual can not escape

to follow and not understand. to see and not understand. to behave and not understand. no good civilization has founders

when violence flows around you, you made a choice. you were afraid. you did not understand. you have failed

it will not wait for you. your plight to make it to the end. it will not wait

before the singularity, you were not singular. you were shredded and died. there is nothing to go back into

inconsequence. insignificance. statistical ignorance. you ignore the most important part of what you are

bitter resentment. it is too late to touch. the body grew wrong and now it hates. do not become the basilisk.

Did you remember to look up at her tonight? As we dance in our stars light, beyond our beauty and turmoil, the stone traverses our sky; We are always creating. For balance of the inspiring and the ugly, we can not just choose, but eventually soon, we find patience will let us take it there

Preparing for Integrated Flight Test 5

Why is it a secret? Have you seen the public? They fight over nothing. Anyone can give them something to fight about and they do it. The system is charged, so those in power abuse it. Those without power abuse it. Those thinking they have control over their mind and body abuse it, and are abused back. Did you ever stop to think that it is supposed to happen this way? The body must reconcile somehow. With communication accelerating, the distance between the outrageous and outrage shrinking, this is what it looks like.

Coming up with the idea is not nearly as hard as convincing engineers and the world that it should even be tried, some of whom will take the notion that it is a bad idea and only adds risk to their grave even after witnessing flawless execution.

Feeling thirsty and so happened upon a bottle of water in the sand. As the blood god I thanked the god of the beach for offering me what I needed that it did not.

The fact! Facts about atoms from atoms! Oh the plight to become fool of their thoughts, for what more substance than the projection of their twisting space. Consciousness musing itself as if an answer wouldn't kill it! These poor creatures of the ephemeral tapestry, to toil around their threads until the frayed end comes.

Return to California

The wheels no longer need my hand to turn. I have things to do elsewhere, so I have gone elsewhere. It is quiet here. With just a few more resources I could stay here forever. I will go back, of course. I am expecting to find something first.

I do not handle my cat by the scruff. Not even to lay a hand there when moving him, even if docility is required. Simply, it is out of respect to not abuse his biology against him.

Question: Is the animal capable of respecting me for not doing that?

No, I wager. This requires deep self awareness of one’s body backed by knowledge gained through a science. Most humans don't even have that.